Celebrity workout part one

Okay, so I am totally excited to work out at the gym. (It’s a private gym, so I don’t have to worry about looking like a fool in front of all the skinny 18 year olds that normally hang out at the gym.) I meet Coach Minion for my hour workout. Well, actually, it wasn’t a workout. He weighed me, and measured me. He calibrated my BMI (BODY MASS INDEX). It was official…..my BMI was 44% or “Obese”. (I cried a little bit inside). We then went over my personal eating plan. My eating plan will now only consist of the following foods: plain oatmeal, plain greens, tomatoes, organic fish, organic chicken, apples, yams, asparagus, a super high protein drink, and water. No frying, coating, butter, fat, dairy, bread, diet drinks, ANYTHING else. (I cried inside some more) He gives me a notebook, where I am to write down everything that goes into my mouth. And the approximate times that I eat it. Every night, I’m supposed to fax my daily calendar to him, and he will make adjustments as needed. I also have to promise to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, weekends included. He gives me his cell phone number, and I’m supposed to call him anytime I have a question. I walk on the treadmill for about 20 minutes, and then he sends me to the grocery store. (That counted as one of my workouts.)
I start my new eating plan the next day. I call him 6 times because I’m so freaking hungry. (oh, yeah, I’m getting my money’s worth out of this guy.) He allows me an extra “snack” of a protein shake. (yahoo!)
Now, when I start this super lean eating, I went cold turkey. (mmmmmm……..turkey) I had double fried chicken one day, and the next day I was eating 6 oz of plain grilled fish. BIG FREAKING DIFFERENCE. He must have known that it was going to be hard, because I wasn’t scheduled to go to the gym that day. (That would have sent me over the edge.) Instead, I sat at home and watch Mr. Hummingbird eat a meatball sandwich. I ended up going to bed early because I was afraid I would eat something that I shouldn’t. The last thing I remember was hearing my stomach growling. (again, more internal crying)
The next morning, I felt empty. I started to grab my pre-packed greasy breakfast sandwich from the fridge, but then I remembered that it was good old plain oatmeal for me. Yummy. Mr. Hummingbird ate the breakfast sandwich. (now that I think about it, this week was probably the best he’s ever eaten. His main competition was on the DL list. I’ll have to ask him if he remembers how much weight he gained during this time.)
After suffering through the whole workday, I grabbed my gym bag and headed to the gym. I was told to walk, slowly, on the treadmill for at least 20 mins before my scheduled time. At my appointed time, I hopped over to meet Coach Minion. We did some stretching on the mat. Well, he stretched, and I rolled around like a floundering fish. (I was glad that they gym was practically empty this day. I’m not sure that I could have handled much more embarrassment than I had already endured. ) We move over to the weight machines, and he walks me through some super light exercises. Light in the sense that I was only lifting between 2 and 3 lbs. I was still sweating and wheezing out of exhaustion. He puts me back on my slow walk for the last 20 mins. I suddenly feel happy. I realize I made it, and I’m not hurt nor crying.

This is a good day.

Next up: Celebrity workouts continued, creative eating plans, and a trip to the ER!