Flashback to Failed Diet- Mono

Back when I was in high school, I caught Mono (Infectious Mononucleosis) during my senior year. I think I was out of school for three weeks. (It was a medicated blur.) When I had enough strength to return back to school, I was shocked to see that my clothes were hanging off of me. I lost at least 20 lbs. After I regained my senses, I thoroughly enjoyed my unexpected weigh loss. (remember, at this age, I did not need to loose any weight. My Calvins fit just fine, thankyouverymuch.) After a quick tan, (I still looked sickly pale) I looked stunning in a hot pink lace bikini. (Just like the girls in the ZZ Tops videos.)

So, years later, a coworker has mentioned that her son is sick.
Blah, blah, blah. (I admit it. I don't listen much. At this point of my life, I don't have kids, so I really don't understand. Plus, I'm a bitch IRL. )
So, she talks about her son who's missing all this school.
On day six, she gets off the phone with the doctor. It's confirmed. Her son has mono.
There's something wrong with me.
Seriously wrong.
Serious.
All I could think about at that moment was, "Wow! How can I catch that??"
I start plotting.
I imagine running over to her house, and "bumping" into him. (Relax. Not in the "Stone Phillips will emerge from the kitchen" icky kind of way.) I imagine licking some silverware. I imagine asking him to cough on me. I imagine stealing his drinking straw.

Of course, this is as far as my plot goes. I come to my senses, and let my ideas go.









After licking her silverware, of course.