Soap is Deadly

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I hurt myself.

I hurt my back.....again. (feel sorry for me now.)

I'm almost (almost) embarrassed to tell you that I hurt my back while showering.

Yes, showering.

Lathering, to be precise. Apparently, I was reaching for that "hard to reach" place, and pulled my back out of whack. I crumbled to the floor, wet, soapy, and with a strange new tick. I avoided drowning, (See? All those years of swim lessons at the Y sure did pay off.) but managed to get an earful of water. I floundered on the floor for a while, before Mr. Hummingbird heard my pleas for help. (Later, I find out that he actually heard the "thud" but just ignored it since he just figured that I was doing something "weird".<----his words, not mine.)

He helps me up, dragging me to my bed. (he cops a feel while I'm down. Typical.) I lay there, whining. He gets me some leftover Vicodin, (if you're a cop, or are married to one, I wanna change my answer to "Tylenol") and leaves me to rest. Three hours later, I manage to get myself dressed. Two hours after that, I manage to get myself off the bed. I eat a small snack, take more "tylenol" and go back to bed. I'm hoping that the muscle will work itself out by the morning.

In the morning, I'm as stiff as pre-pubescent boy. I can't do anything. And I let everyone know exactly how I feel. I call my doctor, and make an appointment to see him later in the day. In the meantime, I alternate between putting heat on my back, and then putting ice on it. (I'm not sure which one is supposed to work, so I cover all my bases.) I slept the rest of the day away, up until my appointment.

I manage to get myself to my doctor's office. I do as I'm told, reaching, stretching, grunting. Dr. Asshat (remember him?) tells me that I JUST pulled a muscle, and will be fine in a few days. He gives me a handful of muscle relaxers and more pain killers. If it doesn't get better in a week, I'm supposed to return to see him. I call Tyrese, and give him the bad (good?) news. He asks me to call him back the next day, and give him an update. I return home, and make myself comfortable.


Sleep. Drool. Eat. Sleep.


This is my life for the next three days. I feel the exact same that I felt on the first day.
I'm sick of lying around.
I'm sick of daytime t.v.
I'm sick of smelling myself.


I decide to visit a chiropractor.