Super Cleansing

So, I take home my little box of cleansing pills. The directions seem easy enough. Take one fiber pill and one herbal pill each morning and each night. Each day, increase the dosage by one (of each pill) each morning and each night. Stop increasing when you have three successful BM's each day.

Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

The pills are pretty nondescript. They don't make me nervous nor shaky-shaky. They have a slight smell, and they give me a weird taste in my mouth. (I'll taste it all day long, since they also make me burp a lot)

All in all, I don't' see much of a difference.

*sigh*

I work my way up to 6 pills (each) in the morning, and 6 pills (each) in the evening. (this is the maximum recommended dosage.) The sheer number of pills make me gag. This is sooo not worth it.

I still do not see enough change to continue the program. I get better results from Taco Bell. (Plus, I already powered through the whole box anyways.) I'm not looking forward to the discussion that I'll have with Tyrese.

"Um, hi.....um...I failed Poop 101"

I sadly mention my defeat to Ethel. After her giggling fit, she wipes the tears from her eyes, and tells me that she has a plan.

A plan.

A brilliant plan.

Seems that she was watching VH1's "Rock Bodies". In one segment, they talked about how certain celebrities will check themselves into a diet rehab. (Genius.) While in rehab, they fast and do spa treatments. (Genius. Pure genius.) They also talked about that some of the treatments involved hydrocolonics, lymphatic drainage and herbal detoxing.
*(shudder)*
A lot of actresses swear by this treatment. In fact, it was inferred (allegedly...don't sue me.) that many actresses would check into the diet rehab center before a big award ceremony in order to fit into those tiny dresses. (While they didn't mention names, during this segment, they flashed pictures of Gwen Stephani and Janet Jackson on the screen.)
We watched the taped segment over and over again. (this was before Tivo. My one fear was that we would ruin and possibly snap the VCR tape from all the rewinding that we did.) We scoured the VH1 website. We needed the name of the spa, but it seemed to be a carefully guarded secret.
It was....until VH1 made one fatal mistake.
They flashed a picture of the spa on the screen for about 1.5 secs. That was enough time for us to freeze the frame and get half of the spa's address. One hour later, and a lot of Googling, we had the spa name and address. (It was in the California desert, about two hours from us.)(Buwahaha.....)
Ethel called the spa, and made us a reservation. We decided to stay for four days and three nights. ($1570 each and we had to share a room and bathroom. "Meals" included, but not including transportation or tips.<--- As always, those quotation marks are not a mistake.) I told Mr. Hummingbird that we were going to visit her mother.