The Great Escape-Part One

Okay, at this point, I'm starving. (Starving... like I'm considering eating my shoes.) Ethel is no help, since she is just as hungry and mean as I am. We begin our night by talking lovingly about the foods that we miss. We talk about what is going to be the first thing that we eat once we get "released". All of this discussion just makes us hungrier (and meaner). So, we switch gear and start trying to talk about the most disgusting things that we have ever witnessed. This works for a minute or two, but we quickly run out of things to talk about. (We can only discuss girls and cups for so long.) So, our next tactic to to pace and wring our hands together. (this one also lasts but a few minutes). We call the front desk, and request to be medicated. Within minutes, the magic sleeping pills appear, and we gulp them down.

Nothing happens!

We go back to pacing and wringing our hands.
We're both getting irritated, and suddenly are getting panicky.
It's not looking good.
In the wee morning hours, we are still doing the same things. Finally, Ethel speaks.
"I'm outta here."
She heads for the door, not bothering to change into clothes. I'm wearing chili pepper flannel pajamas, and Ethel is wearing star and moon pajamas.(glow in the dark, natch.) She starts to put on her shoes, but then realizes that we won't even make it to the lobby before "they" will notice that our shoes are gone. She grabs her flip flops and her wallet, and tiptoes out of the room. I grab my pen light from my purse (Note to reader-Right now, go put a pen light into your purse. I promise you that you will thank me one day.) and my flip flops and head out the door after her.
We duck and dodge, hiding in the shadows. We make it outside with no problems at all. I click on my light, and we quickly walk down the road towards civilization. I shine my light down at our feet because we are practically barefoot, and trying to cross the desert. (WTH was I thinking??) We yelped whenever we saw a animal, and then harshly hushed each other. We hopped over things that scurried in the dark. I was worried about getting separated, but I just followed the stars (and the moons on her pajamas). We made it to the paved road, and then we started to jog (Yup, we jogged. That's how freakin hungry we were.) to the closest convenience store. We hid in the alley behind the store, (looking back now, it was probably not the safest thing we've ever done.) until it was somewhat deserted. (Again, not the safest thing we've ever done.) When no one was around, we made a run for the door.
The door jingled, and then we stood in the harsh lights of the market. (in our pajamas.) The young man behind the counter just looked at us. Silently, he raised his hand, and pointed to the center aisle of the tiny market. We ran over, holding hand, and practically tripping over each other. We sat on the floor. (WE SAT ON THE FLOOR! Eeeewwww!) Ethel ripped open a chocodile and crammed it in her mouth......whole. I chewed open a bag of chips, and guzzled them. We sat there, ripping package after package, eating everything that we could. Within minutes, I swear I was seeing stars. (and moons too.)
I was dizzy, happy, and drooling.


To be continued.....

Sunrise Hike

Early the next morning, we are waken by a knock at our door. It's dark, and it feels like we just fell asleep. I have completely forgotten that we signed up for the Sunrise Hike.
*Yippee*
We dress in the dark, fumbling around looking for our shoes, until we remember that they are being held hostage at the doorway. *sigh*
Out of the 30 guest at the hotel, there are only 5 of us on the hike. (Just the dumb ones, I guess.) The hosts hands us flashlights, but ask us to please only use them if necessary because it disturbs the environment. (Which, BTW, I immediately turn on and leave on. I know what kind of critters live in the desert, and I know that they like to roam around in the dark. Once again, I am the smartest one in a group of idiots.) The hike was actually enjoyable. It wasn't too strenuous, but strenuous enough to know that you were getting a workout. It had breathtaking views too.
But, hands down, the best part of the hike was when we walked by some orange trees. I quickly turned off my light, and shoved two oranges down my shirt. (Ethel managed to get three in her shirt!)
We had oranges for breakfast that day.
(and screwdrivers too. Using the last of my "mouthwash".)
HA!
Take that, Fat Farm! You don't know who you are messing with!