Weird Boobie Rash

So, I'm using the elliptical machine all the time now. I'm really working it. And, I'm sweating buckets. So, of course that has it's own consequences. I've started to develop a weird rash underneath my boobies. I'm think it's a combination of my sports bra, and the fact that my boobies no longer rest on my belly. (yay!) But, a rash is icky, so I start all kinds of self medicating since I'd rather lose a tit than go see my doctor.
I start by exfoliating with a soft scrubber. It's still there. The next night, I exfoliate with a pumice stone. (I know! WTH was I thinking??!!) It's still there, but now it's all red and angry. I wait a few days, to let it breathe. I spread neosporin on it. It helps, just a little. The next night, I spread hydrocortison on it. It helps, just a little. The next night, I spread lotrimin on it. (icky)
It helps, more than anything else. I continue this for a few days, and try and go bra less as much as I can.
So, the rash is better, but I don't want that thing coming back YKWIM? So, I start using talc underneath there. It helps, but just until it wears off. I try chapstick. (I know, I know...) It didn't seem to do much. I try vaseline. (I'm all lubed and ready to go.) It helps, but I got one pimple so that was the end of that. I'm sitting, staring at our medicine cabinet. Bag balm? No. Tiger balm? No. Baby oil? No. I start looking through Mr. Hummingbirds stuff. I see a small container, which at first I thought was a travel size deodorant. It's Body Glide. (perfect!) I read the back and see that it's a sport lubricant. (Exactly what I need!!) I try it and to be honest with you, it's just like a cross between chapstick (Ha! and you laughed at me!) and deodorant. It works great. I start to use it every day. I'm crazy happy about it too. I even start using it on my heels, to prevent blisters.
Fast forward a few weeks. Mr. Hummingbird is in the shower, getting ready to take a trip to Baja. He starts packing his toiletries. He opens the Body Glide, and is shocked to see that most of it is gone. (oops!) He starts to panic, because he needs it for his trip. We discuss, and I volunteer to go down to the "running store" to pick some more up before he has to leave. (I'm an f'ng sweetheart, huh?) Upon my return, I ask him the question.
"Hey, what do you use this stuff for?"
"Oh, I use it when I go surfing."
Weird. Yet intriguing.
"Tell me more"
"Well, sometimes the wetsuit rubs my skin. And when sand gets under the wetsuit, it rubs my neck raw."
Oh. No problem.
"But, it's mostly for my nutsack. The wetsuit rubs on my nutsack, and it kills."
Ummmm....what?

It's lube for his nutsack.


I'm back to using talc.