I'm about to do something that scares the hell out of me.
Scarier than the colonics.
Scarier than eating toilet paper.
Scarier than butt cramps.
I'm going to clean out my closet.
I have a closet full of clothes. (but I only wear a small portion of the whole) I have every size that you can think of. Everything from leather minis, to muumuus. (Don't laugh. I totally rock those muumuus.) It's like an evolutionary linage of my life.
And getting rid of stuff is like recommitting to losing the weight. Because once I get rid of my size 22 boot cut khaki pants, I can't replace them. (Oh, where ever would I find another pair?) They will be gone forever.
What if I don't lose the weight?
Uh oh.
What if it comes back?
EEKKK!
What if I gain even more than before?
AAAACCCKKKK!!!!
I clutch my clothes like a lifeline.
Like a security blanket.
I hold my sequined size 22 black 20 year old sweater like it was the most precious treasure.
I'm not ready to let it go.
I'm not ready to move on.
I can't.
I'm afraid to fail.
I'm afraid that I will end up worst than before.
I sit there, holding my ratty old sweater, procrastinating.
The bags stay empty, as my "keep" pile grows larger. Each item I pick up gets older than the one before. And in worst shape. Eventually, I'm holding some unfamiliar item of clothing. It's old, and in terrible shape. I hold it, caressing it, waiting for the memories to come back. I know this is important to me. It has to be. Why else would I still have it, right? I toss it on the top of the "keep" pile.
I continue to have an internal argument with the rest of my stuff.
After a while, I glance over at the mystery clothing. I hold it, caress it, smell it. And it hits me. I have no idea what it is or where I got it. And most importantly, why I'm keeping it. This is my old life.
I'm ready for my new life.
I take all the clothes and put them in the bags to take to Goodwill. (well, everything over a size 16. I'm not ready to give away ALL my fat clothes. I'm not freakin crazy. Baby steps, baby steps.)
5 comments:
WTG!! Making room for new clothes you get to buy!! Thats how it works right LOL
You've inspired me.
Thank you!
I lived on consignment shop clotes for a year. As soon as something was a little big, I got rid of it! No turning BACK!I had to be constantly buying new stuff, consignment shps are great, and you can take them your big stuff.
BTW- I added you to my BLOG roll, cuz that's how I ROLLS...
Inspiring!
You have an award on my blog!
Good for you!
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