Flashback to more failed diets. (hic!)

The tequila diet. (Yup, I went there.) This was a brilliant idea that I came up with after dropping out of college. (sorry dad.) I know about a million people who can no longer drink tequila, after a bad night out. In addition, these people also normally cannot eat whatever meal that they had, right before the tequila binge. So, my brilliant idea was to eat my most tempting, most fattening, most delicious dishes....followed by a few shots of tequila.

F'ng Brilliant, right??


Day one- I eat some yummy In-n-Out burgers. (for those of you who have never been fortunate to eat an In-n-Out burger, I feel for you. I really do. I want to start a telethon for you.) AND the fresh cut fries. AND the neapolitan shake. After the last bite, I wait 10 minutes for the start of digestion. I then do three shots of the cheapest-stinkiest-grocery-store-brand tequila. ($6 at Longs drug store) I hope to barf, but I know I won't.
Day two-I eat meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and veggies. All covered in gravy. (natch) I follow this fabulous meal with 4 shots of tequila. No barfing yet.
Day three-I eat pizza, salad with dressing, and gelato. 5 shots of tequila. Nothing happens.
Day four-I'm dreading this......I eat pork chops, salad, and apple crumble. I force myself to do 6 shots of tequila.
Day five- I stay in bed. I'm not feeling so good. No barf though. And no eating! Maybe I've reached the no-turn-back point??
Day six-Fajitas, chips, rice, beans. 6 shots went down easily. I ate more chips afterwards.
Day seven- Before dinner, Mr. Hummingbird asks me if I need an intervention. I can't confess my motives, so I forgo the tequila tonight. I eat dinner as usual.
After one week, I've actually gained 2 lbs.
And the tequila?? I can still do shots with no problem. I must have some sort of defense mechanism built in from birth. And damn you my genetically superior genes!
My Mexican parents would be so proud.