Totally gross warning: (you've been warned)
Okay, so I've lost some weight. (yay!) But now I have an even bigger problem. Well, a lumpy dimply pasty white problem. My skin is all sagging now. (ack!) I'm not sure which is grosser? My fat lumpy dimply pasty white arms? Or my saggy lumpy dimply pasty white skin? I declare it a tie.
So, I now have skin lumps around my thighs, my arms, and my tummy. My tummy looks especially weird with a bunch of skin just hanging around. I'm not sure what to do with it. I decide to ram it down in my granny panties. (I think I hear a "gurgle" as I mash in the skin folds into my panties. Not good.) They're super supportive, so it hold every bit in. But there has to be a better solution, right? I plan on losing more weight, so I imagine that this is going to be an even bigger problem soon.
At the gym, I start asking around. I'm sure everyone has gone through this, right? I'm surprised to hear what the secret ingredient is, for saggy skin. PAM COOKING SPRAY.
Really.
I knew that the weightlifters would spray it on themselves when they would lay out in the sun. For that ol' so dark Bain de Soleil look. They were literally cooking themselves in order to look "healthy". (blech!) So, I had seen a bunch of the yellow and red cans around the gym. What I didn't know was that they would spray it on themselves as a skin moisturizer as well. Icky....but intriguing.
So, when I get home after my session, you know what I reached for from the pantry. I showered and laid down a towel on the floor. I sprayed myself, concentrating on the already saggy spots. I rubbed it in and waited a few minutes before getting into my jammies. I was already in bed, reading, when Mr. Hummingbird got home. He came towards me, sitting on the edge of the bed. One arm draped across me. Looking into my eyes. (man, I must look HOT, right??!!) He looks at me for a moment, then says, "did you make lasagna?? It smells like lasagna in here."
Muther f'er!
I look at the can, and see the problem. Garlic flavored PAM.
Perfect.
6 comments:
Oh my goodness that is hilarious!!
That is funny! I literally laughed out loud!
I am laughing so hard!! But also want to know if it works! keep us updated, i have an awful saggy tummy after weight and a baby......
HAHAHA! That is freaking hillarious. Seriously.
Nothin' like a little garlic sexayness to get the night off to the right start.
HAHAHAHA..OMG!! You have me in tears. I am trying hard not to disturb my coworkers. You are freakin' hilarious!
oh my effing GAWD! I am CRAUGHING here! That is the FUNNIEST THING I've read in a LOOOONNNNG TIME!!!
I'll never look at lasagna the same again! LOL
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